Cheap beer has a tendency of highlighting a person’s idiosyncrasies. Intoxicated individuals will say and do things they would never consider doing sober. No matter if you prefer wine or whiskey, even a pickleback, there is something humorous to be found in everyone’s alcohol-induced ramblings.
Do you love strong beer? Do you like to share your knowledge about craft ales or quaff them for fun? In this post, you’ll find 84 most popular and funny drinking quotes and phrases that are both humorous and insightful.
Funny Quotes About Beer from Comics
“Everybody’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.”
W.C. Fields
“I can party like a twenty-four-year-old, but it takes me almost a week to recover.”
Amy Poehler
“Never trust a man who doesn’t drink.”
W.C. Fields
“It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it.”
W.C. Fields
“My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn’t need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle. “
Henny Youngman
“Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.”
George Carlin
“Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.”
W.C. Fields
“When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.”
Henny Youngman
Thespians On Beer Humor
“24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not.”
Paul Newman
“Milk is for babies. When you grow up you have to drink beer.”
Arnold Schwarzenegger
“You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.”
Dean Martin
“Beer, it’s the best damn drink in the world.”
Jack Nicholson
“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called everybody, and they meet at the bar.”
Drew Carey
“I have to think hard to name an interesting man who does not drink.”
Richard Burton
Fictional and Anonymous
“To alcohol! The cause of – and solution – to all of life’s problems.”
Homer Simpson
“Beer before liquor, never been sicker; liquor before beer, you’re in the clear.”
“Beer has food value, but food has no beer value.”
Unknown
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“After drinking four Martinis, my husband turns into a disgusting beast. And after the fifth, I pass out altogether.”
Anonymous
Now, son, you don’t want to drink beer. That’s for Daddies and kids with fake IDs.
H. Simpson
“Grape or grain, but never the twain.”
Homer no function beer well without.
Do beer runs count as exercise?
“Beer will always have a definite role in the diet of an individual and can be considered a cog in the wheel of nutritional foods.”
Bruce Carlton
Quotes About Beer By Historical Boozers
“From the fool and the drunkard you may learn the truth.”
Modern Greek proverb
“Beer is a wholesome liquor…it abounds with nourishment”
Dr. Benjamin Rush
“We could not now take time for further searche or consideration: our victuals being much spente, especially our beere.”
Logbook entry on the Mayflower, December 16, 1620
“A little bit of beer is divine medicine.”
Paracelsus, Greek physician
“Beer will get you through time of no money better than money will get you through times of no beer.”
Freddie Freak
“Beer…. a high and mighty liquor.”
Julius Caesar
“Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.”
Wilhelm II
“Whoever serves beer or wine watered down, he himself deserves in them to drown.”
Medieval plea for pure libations
“An oppressive government is more to be feared than a tiger, or a beer.”
Confucius
“Beer, if drunk in moderation, softens the temper, cheers the spirit and promotes health.”
Thomas Jefferson
“History flows forward on rivers of beer.”
Anonymous
“Give my people plenty of beer, good beer, and cheap beer, and you will have no revolution among them.”
Queen Victoria
“In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.”
Benjamin Franklin
“I am a firm believer in the people. If given the truth, they can be depended upon to meet any national crisis. The great point is to bring them the real facts, and beer.”
Abraham Lincoln
“He was a wise man who invented beer.”
Plato
“Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.”
Winston Churchill
“How much beer is in German intelligence?”
Friedrich Nietzsche
“Note, that yeast of good Beer, is better then that of Ale.”
Kenelm Digby
Writers and Bard Drinkers
“Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.”
Ernest Hemingway
“And … and what is civilisation if it isn’t people talking to each other over a goddamned beer?”
James S.A. Corey
“Thirstily he set it to his lips, and as its cool refreshment began to soothe his throat, he thanked Heaven that in a world of much evil there was still so good a thing as ale.”
Rafael Sabatini
“I would not have thought of eating a meal without drinking a beer.”
Ernest Hemingway
“Oh, this beer here is cold, cold and hop-bitter, no point coming up for air, gulp, till it’s all–hahhhh.”
Thomas Pynchon
“An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.”
Ernest Hemingway
“Nothing ever tasted any better than a cold beer on a beautiful afternoon with nothing to look forward to but more of the same.”
Hugh Hood
“Work is the curse of the drinking classes.”
Oscar Wilde
“Money, like vodka, can play queer tricks with a man.”
Anton Chekhov
“When I heated my home with oil, I used an average of 800 gallons a year. I have found that I can keep comfortably warm for an entire winter with slightly over half that quantity of beer.”
Dave Barry
“Whoever takes just plain ginger ale soon gets drowned out of the conversation.”
Kin Hubbard
“Oatcakes are a delicate relish when eaten warm with ale.”
Robert Burns
“Beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer.”
Henry Lawson
“Time is never wasted when you’re wasted all the time.”
Catherine Zandonella
“And brought of mighty ale a large quart.”
Geoffrey Chaucer
“Beer’s intellectual. What a shame so many idiots drink it.”
Ray Bradbury
“What’s drinking? A mere pause from thinking!”
Lord Byron
“The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober one.”
George Bernard Shaw
“Here’s to alcohol: the cause of, and answer to, all of life’s problems.”
Matt Groening
“They who drink beer will think beer.”
Washington Irving
“A good local pub has much in common with a church, except that a pub is warmer, and there’s more conversation.”
William Blake
“Beer needs baseball, and baseball needs beer – it has always been thus.”
Peter Richmond
“I recommend…bread, meat, vegetables, and beer.”
Sophocles
“Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.”
Dave Barry
Famous And Infamous Funny Beer Drinking Quotes
“A drunk man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts.”
Jena Legg
“There is no such thing as a bad beer. It’s that some taste better than others.”
Billy Carter
“I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered.”
George Best
“Paintings are like a beer, only beer tastes good and it’s hard to stop drinking beer.”
Billy Carter
“God made weed. Man made beer. Who do you trust.”
Kennedy Mmari
“If a life of wine, women and song becomes too much, give up singing.”
Mark Schiess
“For their own good, vegetarians should never be allowed near fine beers and ales. It will only make them loud and belligerent, and they lack the physical strength and aggressive nature to back up any drunken assertions.”
Anthony Bourdain
“The hard part about being a bartender is figuring out who is drunk and who is just stupid.”
Richard Braunstein
Popular Breweries
“Hoppiness is Happiness.”
Victory Brewing Companies Hop Wallop label.
“Remember “I” before “E”, except in Budweiser.”
Unknown
“A bar is better than a newspaper for public discussion.”
Jim Parker, discussing the importance of culture in a healthy pub setting.
Funny Beer Quotes from Singers
“Alcohol gives you infinite patience for stupidity.”
Sammy Davis, Jr.
“Beauty lies in the hands of the beer holder.”
Kinky Friedman
“There are more old drunks than there are old doctors.”
Willie Nelson
“I’ve only been in love with a beer bottle and a mirror.”
Sid Vicious
“Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.”
Frank Sinatra
“Nothing quenches the thirst like a wheat beer, or sharpens the appetite like an India pale ale. Nothing goes as well with seafood as a dry porter or stout, or accompanies chocolate like an imperial stout. Nothing soothes like a barleywine. These are just a few of the specialty styles of beer.”
Michael Jackson
“There is more to life than beer alone, but beer makes those other things even better.”
Stephen Morris
“Drinking beer doesn’t make you fat, it makes you lean…Against bars, tables, chairs, and poles.”
Gerard Way
So laugh, lads, and quaff, lads, twill make you stout and hale; through all my days, I’ll sing the praise of brown October ale.”
Reginald De Koven
We hope you enjoyed a strong beer while reading through this collection of alcohol-related wit and wisdom. If you have any favourite quotes on beer, please feel free to add them in the comments section below. When you consume beer, it is impossible to be sad, Beer makes everything better!
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